Stuff

It’s kind of weird to start blogging again, because it’s been awhile and I feel a little out of practice. I think that I need to jump right back in and go for it. I got a new lap top for Christmas. I’m pretty excited about it, but as I explained in one of my previous blogs I’m also a little scared of technology. Anyway, I’m hoping that my blogs will start being more consistent.

My new computer isn’t the only change in my life right now. Dan just started on YL staff this week. It’s pretty exciting for him, and for me. For years he has been following this path that has been so uncomfortable for him. Every day he would wake up and sleepily walk to the closet and put on some stupid collared shirt, tie, and dress pants. Then he would rush out of the house to make it on time to the train where he would get the first of MANY cups of coffee for the day (you gotta get by some how). Then he would make his decent into the hum drum business world of downtown Chicago. He would get off the train and step into the sea of suits and high heels. Everyone climbing the invisible ladder to somewhere that would surely be better than where they were. He would step onto the escalator that would lead to the front door of Performance Trust Captial Partners. He would then walk over to his desk and sit down. He would sit there and look at his computer and his phone, he would stare at his two foot by four foot desk and ask himself once again, just like every other day, WHY AM I HERE??? Why am I spending my life doing a job that I don’t believe in and I don’t even like? Why do I get up every morning to come to a place where I can’t be myself, to a place that sucks the self right out of me?

I wonder if a lot of people sit down at their desks each day and ask that same question. I think so.

Because of Dan’s change in career we’ve had to make some minor adjustments in our life style. We now have a budget that we are following, or I should say trying to follow. I’m not very good at budgets, but I think that it will be a really good thing for us. Anyway, it’s got me to thinking. Thinking about stuff. What is stuff? Why do I have so much of it? Why do I want more? Why am I always comparing my stuff to someone else’s stuff?

I started reading my first Tom Robbins book the other day. It’s called Fierce Invalids Home From Hot Climates. Lauren told me I HAD to read it, and I usually love her recommendations, so I though I would go for it. I’m only about 50 pages in, but I’m already hooked. First of all, Tom Robbins has to be completely out of his mind, which I LOVE. Secondly, he offers some great thoughts on life amidst the wildly funny scenes he creates. One of these thoughts seemed to jump off the page when I was reading it the other day. Here it is:

“Things. Cosas. Things attach themselves like leeches to the human soul, then they bleed out the wetness and the music and the primordial joy of being unencumbered upon the land. Comprende? People feel tremendous pressure to settle down in some sort of permanent space and fill it up with stuff, but deep inside they resent those structures, and they’re scared to death of that stuff because they know it controls them and restricts their movements.”

When I read this I must admit that it really rang true for me. But, where do I go from here? Do I sell my house and all my belongings, and give away my pets, and … and then …. And then what?? That’s the part where I get confused. Maybe I’m on the baby steps program. I decided that one of my new years resolutions** was to give away more, throw away more, buy less, take less, and bring less into my house. The day after I made this resolution I was reading in 2 corinthians and I found the perfect theme verse for this resolution. It’s 2 Cor. 8:15 “whoever gathered much had nothing left over, and whoever gathered little had no lack.” I like this verse. It’s really simple but it communicates so much. I would like to live by this principle. The problem is the same day I went to the mall with my friend. I was DETERMINED not to buy anything. I was doing really well. Until…(it always seems like there is an until) we went into this one store and I saw this purse that I completely fell in love with. Kind of like how I felt when I met Dan. Just kidding. Anyway, I really needed (I don’t really think I know what need means) this new purse, so I bought it. Should I have? I could live without it. Thus my confusion ensues.

I pray for God’s grace in my life. I ask his forgiveness for my ignorance. And I pray that some day I might better understand what it means to “give away all your possessions”, what it means to live a life free of the stuff that “controls and restricts my movements.”


** I think that new years resolutions are kind of wierd, funny, and stupid. But I also think they are kind of cool because it feels like you get a fresh start to make changes in your life.